Wednesday, July 20, 2011

WTH Wednesday-When naming your kid, think past age one

birth_announcement_certificate_pram

I recently received a birth announcement that one of my bff’s from school had given birth to her 4th child. Finally, her and her husband had gotten the girl they wanted.

They named her Evenflow.

Me: I got the birth announcement. Congrats on the baby! Umm, can I ask you a question though?

BFF: Sure

Me: WTH did you name her after a Pearl Jam song?

BFF: We did NOT name her after a Pearl Jam song! A lot of thought when into this name.

Me: Before or after you partook of the ganja?

BFF: Shut up! Evenflow is a great name.

Me: Sure, if you want to guarantee your kid will be miserable and teased for the next 80 years of their life. WTH were you and X thinking?

BFF: Are you serious?

Me: Yes. Even-flow? That’s asking for tampon product/period teasing right there. I can hear it now. “Oh Evenflow-does Kotex help you with that?”

BFF: Just because you were an evil shit in school…

Me: You should be thankful I was an evil shit in school. At least little Evie will have someone to call when she comes home from school, sobbing from a fresh assault. I can prepare her for the worst to come-cause it will.

BFF: Well, I suppose this means you aren’t coming to the christening.

Me: Hell yea I’m coming. Someone has to object when the priest announces her birth name.

Me: By the way, I didn’t see a middle name. Did you at least give her a suitable middle name so we can call her that and forget your obviously, “we were stoned when we named our kid" first name?

BFF: Avalon

Me: Oh for the love of Christ.

You know, lately I have heard a lot of couples naming their kids unusual names. Take the Beckhams. Harper Seven?  Or Nicole Richie and Joel Madden child- Sparrow James Midnight Madden. Jermaine Jackson named his Jermajesty. Big surprise there. Some more crazy but true names;  Apple, Pilot Inspektor, Kal-El Copola, and Audio Science.

I see these crazy names I have to wonder if any of these people think BEYOND the kid’s first year. Because some of the names I’m seeing pretty much guarantee their kid is going to be beat up every single day of their lives, starting in the first grade. And seriously, how embarrassing for your child.

“Hi, my name is Audio Science. My parents hate me and I’m saving up money so I can change it when I turn 18.”

So please parents, before you succumb to the dream of naming your child something fanciful and unique in your eyes, think of the children. You won’t have to live with it but your kids will.

10 comments:

Julie said...

I so completely agree! I really don't know what some think! Really. And “Hi, my name is Audio Science. My parents hate me and I’m saving up money so I can change it when I turn 18.” LMAO!!!

Lily of Darkness said...

I wanted to name my son Atticus. Hubs shot that one right in the ass with a big NO.

Ended up naming him something normal and now fairly common - only to have him tell me he wants to change his name to Robert when he turns 18 and refuses to respond to anything other than the name Bert. Yes, my son LIKES the name Bert. I'm sure there is something wrong with him.

Gigi's Consignment Closet said...

Julie-I keep hoping she is going to call me back and tell me this was all a joke.

Lily-I used to hate my name. I wanted a cute name like Sarah or Molly.

Jenn3128 said...

Seriously??!! Isn't Evenflow baby formula or am I confusing that with something else?

At least this girl has brothers to help protect her when she's older, she's def going to have trouble.

I can't imagine getting a job is going to be an easy task either. I stumble across Evenflow Jones at the top of a resume I'm going to assume a colleague is playing a joke on me & toss it.

Poor thing.

spam word: eledozo - I like that better for a kids name than Evenflow!

Megan Frampton said...

That is such a ridiculous name. Although, I have to say, when my son was born, we had a few names to choose from (we didn't know what sex he'd be until he arrived), and one of the names that was in consideration was Lucifer. Because Lucifer Frampton sounds cool!
We went with Rhys, but Oakley (after Charles Oakley, New York Knick power forward) was the other more serious contender.

Gigi's Consignment Closet said...

Jenn-I think they were high. That's all I can say.

Megan-I LOVE Rhys. Umm, have to say Lucifer is cool but glad you went with Rhys. lol Unusual names are cool-wth crazy product names are not.

Heather said...

We went the traditional route with our boys names but we didn't use the english spelling we went with Mikhail Casey, and Matheu Ardeen.

Mikhail is the russian spelling of Michael which is his dad's name, Matheu is the french spelling minus the I because I couldn't remember where the I went and Ardeen is a family name on my side.

limecello said...

Poor child. This has been an ongoing trend. I remember having a conversation with a friend about it a few years ago. Some names are so incredibly bad, that judges have allowed kids to change their names legally BEFORE they reach the age of majority.
There are a few news articles about it...
The worst names I've heard, were "Female" and "Vagisil." One I've met... Caszh'monie ... yup. Cash Money.

Gigi's Consignment Closet said...

Heather-Unusual is cool. I went to school with a Mikhail and no teasing occurred. :) It's just naming your kid after an item or product is just silly. And harmful to your kid.

Gigi's Consignment Closet said...

Linecello-I've heard eczema. Nickname was Ezy. Over heard a mom say it sounded exotic. Other mom told her it was a form of rash. Oh the look on first mom's face. Priceless.