Friday, March 11, 2011

Well since you asked….Meet Crazy Bob

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Bob is our new rooster. Actually, Bob isn’t new. He’s just in a new location. See, Bob was getting his arse beat down WWF style everyday by his dad. Oh yea. Parental abuse at it’s finest. So we moved Bob in with Josie.

If you don’t know, Josie is my pot belly pig. She doesn’t care that she now has an crazy rooster as a room mate. She eats, sleeps, and occasionally head butts me in the knees for trying to sneak veggies in her slop. That’s the extent of her day. Look in the dictionary under lazy and there will be a picture of Josie.

Bob is kinda  “special”. Rather like the turkey on South Park.

Only Bob isn’t a turkey, he’s a rooster. And his neck is normal. He’s just strange.


First. Bob doesn’t crow. He screams. A long harsh “ACKKKKKKKK.” Sounds like a 50 year smoker hacking up a lung. He also does this 24 f’ing 7. Day….night…it doesn’t matter. Bob’s a screamer.

Second. Bob’s favorite two foods in the world is pig mash and pig poop. Throw some chicken feed out there and he literally runs towards you, flapping his wings, and screams rooster obscenities at you. Toss his some pig mash or have Josie drop a load and that is one happy rooster.

Third. The look. He has this way of cocking his head and watching you. Rather like I imagine a serial killer watches their next victim-visualizing how they would taste with a nice Chianti and fava beans. I know what your all thinking. “Tori, that rooster can’t be but 12 inches tall.” Don’t matter, it’s creepy and I know one day I’m going to wake up in his secret lair and be totally screwed.

Four. He loves the rain. I’m sorry but I have raised chickens for YEARS and have yet to see one that LIKES the rain. It poured all day yesterday and that little freak ran around screaming and flapping his wings like he was in heaven. Add the streaming piles pig poop and I imagine he was.

We tried putting Bob back in the coop with his homeys but Bob is like a defiant teenager. He gets in your face, talks smack, but can’t back it up. And…. dad commenced with the beat down. Again. Have you ever tried to separate fighting roosters? Well, one fighting rooster and one getting his arse beat rooster. It ain’t pretty. Or fun.
So for now we will leave Bob back there with Josie until he either pisses her off beyond belief and she takes him out or his self defense classes take effect and he can hold his own against his old man.

I’m seeing Bob being with Josie for a long time. *sigh*

4 comments:

Fit_Cat said...

OMG Tori, this it's hilarious! I love your stories.

Pearl said...

Tori!!!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for making me laugh like a madwoman in a week of tragic news.

Despite his weirdness I think I'm tad smitten with Bob (but he, at least, has to give up the pig poo)

Pamela {Spaz} said...

HHAHAHAHA you used the special Turkey from South Park that makes me instantly laugh.
You are going to wake up in his secret lair, freaking hilarious!

Pamela {Spaz} said...

HHAHAHAHA you used the special Turkey from South Park that makes me instantly laugh.
You are going to wake up in his secret lair, freaking hilarious!