Friday, October 21, 2011

Well, since you asked…I’m a 41 year old tween

Am-I-Wearing-Pants-Self-Help-Chart
T-Why are you still in your pajamas?
Me-I’m not.
T-That’s what you wore to bed last night.
Me-Nuh uh.
T-Is that NOT the same t shirt?
Me-Yes, but I have a sweatshirt over it now. Hence, a new look.
T-Is that not the same pants?
Me-No. Those pants were orange. These are black.
T-So they are STILL pajama pants.
Me-No. *speaking slowly so he understands* They are yoga pants.
T-Yoga pants-pajama pants. Same thing.
Me-Uh…no. Yoga pants are about $40 more. Plus,I can wear them out of the house.
T-So, you can’t wear pajama pants out of the house but you can wear yoga pants that look like pajama pants out of the house?
Me- Exactly.
T-Why is that?
Me-Because only white trash wear pajama pants out of the house.
T-But those are pajamas.
Me-No. These are yoga pants.
T-But you wear them to bed.
Me-Yes, but then they are pajama pants. In the morning they become yoga pants.
T- Are those slippers?
Me-No. Those are fluffy ballet flats.
T-No. I definitely think those are slippers.
Me-These are slippers made to LOOK like ballet flats so I can wear them out of house.
T-So isn’t wearing slippers in public white trash-y?
Me-Only if they LOOK like slippers. If they LOOK like ballet flats then it’s ok.
T-Do you make up these rules as you go?
Me-No, these are well established rules.
T-So I can wear my pajama shorts outside because they look like shorts and not pajamas?
Me-Well you could but I wouldn’t.
T-Why?
Me-Because they have a hole in the crotch and that definitely looks white trash-y.