I have often said that the way to a strong marriage is to laugh long, hard, and often. Otherwise, you’ll be taking a hammer to their head every chance you get.
Me: Where is it?
T: Where is what?
Me: The brownie that was on the counter.
T: What counter?
Me: The counter in the kitchen, fool.
T: I know of no brownie on the kitchen counter.
Me: Let me smell your breath.
T: Get away from me, freak.
Me: NO! I told you that brownie was mine! Now, open up and let me look.
T: *holding me back* No. Quit it. Stop squeezing my jaw.
Me: Where. Is. My. Brownie!!!!
T: I ate it, okay?? I ate it and freaking enjoyed it.
Me: I didn’t get a single brownie out of that pan I baked. WTH is wrong with you? Why do you always eat my food?
T: I’m bigger then you so I require more food.
Me: I’m killing you tonight.